Sheri and Sadie

Here are Sheri and Sadie waiting for the doctor last Tuesday. Aren't they cute!!

It's a Girl!

My niece is here! Sadie was born on Thursday, Feb 1 and I get to see her in the morning. :)

Weird Dreams

My sister is having a baby today and I had the most peculiar dream last night. I normally don’t remember my dreams, I just wake up with the feelings they evoked and hazy images of what I was dreaming of – this one stayed with me.

I am on a birthing ship of some kind - in labor. I can feel the baby shift inside me and then drop and then I am pushing, the whole thing takes only seconds, as things in dreams often do. It doesn’t hurt until the end. I squeeze my eyes shut and push hard and he comes out – my son. He cries. I open my eyes and smile and reach out for him, but the nurse has her back to me and then leaves the room – she takes him with her. I am on the table for only another moment then suddenly I am in a crowd of women on the ship, wandering, trying to find where to go to see my baby. I try to tell someone that they haven’t let me see my baby yet and two women say that’s the worst thing about this ship they don’t tell you that part, that you can’t see the baby right after, that you have to sign up for visiting blocks.

I am lost and crying, looking for the place where I have to go to sign up to see my son – getting frantic. John calls me and when I answer he says, “Thank God! What’s going on?” I tell him it’s a boy, but they haven’t let me see him yet and he wants me to explain, but then I see the counter – I tell him to hold on and leave the phone on so he can hear (suddenly phone isn’t there, but I know he can still hear me). I see the list of times you can sign up for - they want your name and the baby’s name. I think about the fact that he doesn’t have a name yet start to ask John what his name should be, but he doesn’t answer, the connection drops. I put my name down on the soonest available slot. Then I have to choose again for tomorrow and again for the next day - they are only 15 minute slots and I try to sign up for all of them, but my name won’t go in the slots – I can only write in one per day.

I turn around and see a man on a stage explaining the schedule of stops and activities for the next two days to the crowd down below him. There is an excited buzz in the room and I think about how I am no longer one of those who goes off on the excursions, but one who stays behind. Suddenly an older man – the only man I have seen except the one giving information to the crowd says that he will stay with me and not go on the excursions with everyone else. I know this man, but he is no one from real life that I know. I tell him I don’t need him - I am staying with my son.

Suddenly I am at the visiting counter again. It’s time to see my son but I see my name crossed off already as if I hadn’t been there when they called my name. I rush behind the counter and a woman passes me coming out, holding a white wicker basket close to her chest that contains her mewling daughter wrapped in a fuzzy pink blanket. The look on her face is indescribable, she is so happy – beatific, and sees only her daughter. I turn and see a room full of tables with white baskets just like the one she has. They all have fuzzy blankets of pink or blue peeking out and some are moving slightly, occupants awake. I try to go to my son, but there are two attendants in front of me with another woman handing her baby to her and giving her instructions. They are smiling at her and cooing at the baby and paying no attention to me. I try again and again to get their attention and explain that I haven’t seen my son, they need to let me through, but they continue to ignore me as if I am not there. I have to get to him, I have to feed him. I can feel my breasts heavy, hot, and aching. “Please, please!” I beg them, “let me see my son.” One of the attendants turns to me then and starts to lead me to another row of baskets. We turn down the row and on the end there is one space where there is no basket, just a fuzzy blue blanket next to a name tag that I can’t read. The other attendant comes from behind me and asks if there is something wrong. The attendant in front of me turns and calmly says, “Yes, Baby Blue.” and I know he is dead. I fall on the floor screaming and crying and then I wake up.